I can't make it into the office today
So after a long dry spell SoCal finally gets some winter juice!
Waves started showing up on Friday and continued on thru the weekend
The swell or more correctly swells will actually continue on thru next weekend
But there is a disturbance in the Force in Surf City
It's Monday and you have to work!
You have responsibilities and commitments
That Hummer isn't gonna pay itself off
So with my super hearing I hear the following (a lot)
Help me Prana, I'm not an unemployeed slacker like you!
I've got work, Mon - Fri
What shall I do!
Oh, What shall I do!!
Well first stop using the word "shall", no one talks likes that.
And secondly, I've got you covered!
You call up your boss and in the grand tradition of workers everywhere you lie!
To help you out I have compiled a list of excuses that should get you a few days off this week.
1 - My pet goldfish passed away and it was his last wish was to be buried at sea
If you work at PETA this is gonna work, trust me!
2 - The Doctor suggest that I need to visit the ocean “for the waters”
If you boss is a Bogart fan, you are in.
3 - I got a bad case of 3 day leprosy
By the time they get over the squeamish factor you're back
(This really works good if you are planning a trip to Molokai.)
4 - Map Quest is down and I have forgotten how to get to the office
If you are an unrepentant geek with a poor sense of direction this one has to work
5 - I use the abbreviated Mayan calendar and the world ends in 2010, so why bother
If you boss has seen the movie or heard the buzz this one should work
6 - In my religion, the Aleutian Juice days are holy and the swells must be observed
I'm sure the ACLU will back you up on this one. Maybe Gloria Allred too.
7 - Did you not see my resume cover letter?
If you properly prepared your employer you wouldn't have to lie.
Which of course is the best policy.
9 - I over dosed on Viagra over the weekend and I need to wait until the swelling goes down.
Trust me, they don't want you in the office until the condition clears up
8 - There is a Star Trek / Star Wars marathon on and I’m not going anywhere! Make it so Number One!
This works great, but if your boss is a Star Trek or Star Wars fan he or she will want to go with you.
9 - Prana Glider say I could have the day off!
If this one works let me know.
So good luck and if you do get days off and you see me in the water, remember you owe me!
P.S. If you have the good fortune to work in the "Surf Industry" this may not work as well. Everyone knows its good. Could you imagine working for Surfline and trying this crap on Sean Collins? Dude you would be so busted! He may even change his email greeting to say something like "Don't even dream about calling in sick this week!" But you never know. You maybe either completely screwed or it maybe a surf holiday at the discretion of the President and the VP of HR.
Let me know.
If you work for a surf company let us know the policy.
Completely anonymous of course!