Do it for the children

There should be a warning label printed on surf mats.

Something official and suitably ominous.

WARNING Will Robinson" 
You hold in your hands a surf craft 
that may induce mind expanding visions and dreams.
Use may result in a perfectly good hardboard quiver being left to gather dust in your garage.
Rider assumes complete responsibility for any side effects from it's use.
Do not use if you have existing issues or are just a plain ol' kook to begin with

Mat surfing has begun to become popular and it is only a matter of time before the familiar story plays out.

You know how it is,
Mom and Dad are sitting in front of the tube
trying to relax after a hard day at work
not realizing that little Johnny is outside

huffing canvas fumes and dreaming of Rincon

Soon with a paper route and some creative accounting

you get a real mat.

You become part of the IN CROWD

You meet a bunch interesting people and for a while everything seems like it will turn out OK.

But in the end 

the story is always the same.

All your money is gone

and you are buying whatever cheap flotation device

(clearly marked "warning not to be used as a flotation device") 

you can from the end-of-season discount shelves at the local five and dime 

and being followed by a flock of men in blue shirts.

Please help little Johnny!
We need warning labels on mats,
and we need them now.
Do it for the children.