Do it for the children
WARNING CAUTION
READ LABEL COMPLETELY
DISCONTINUE USE IF FULL INFLATION
CONTINUES
FOR MORE THAN SEVERAL HOURS
DO NOT USE IF ALLERGIC TO SALTWATER, CANVAS OR FUN
What I have to say may not be popular
It may not be Politically Correct but...
There should be a warning label printed on surf mats.
It may not be Politically Correct but...
There should be a warning label printed on surf mats.
There I have said it, the cat is out of the bag
and if you have ever tried to put a cat back in a bag
you know that
IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.
It's about time
the ruthless, mind bending, effects of extended mat use need to be addressed!
At least a warning label,
look what labels did to deter cigarette smoking...
We need something official and suitably ominous. Maybe something like the following
"WARNING. You hold in your hands a surf craft that has been known to induce mind expanding visions and dreams. Use may result in a perfectly good hardboard quiver being left to gather dust in your garage. Frequent use may completely change your view of what surfing means and may alter your view of Nature and your relationship with others. By using the mat rider acknowledges these risks and assumes complete responsibility for any and all side effects resulting from it's use."
It's a classic story here in LALA Land. Mat surfing had begun to become popular and it seemed like another harmless diversion for kids out in the suburbs...
(Dream sequence harp music maybe some pastel lights on smoke)
You know how it is, Mom and Dad are sitting in front of the tube trying to relax after a hard day at work not realizing that little Johnny is outside
Please help little Johnny!
We need warning labels on mats,
and we need them now.
Do it for the children.
We need something official and suitably ominous. Maybe something like the following
"WARNING. You hold in your hands a surf craft that has been known to induce mind expanding visions and dreams. Use may result in a perfectly good hardboard quiver being left to gather dust in your garage. Frequent use may completely change your view of what surfing means and may alter your view of Nature and your relationship with others. By using the mat rider acknowledges these risks and assumes complete responsibility for any and all side effects resulting from it's use."
It's a classic story here in LALA Land. Mat surfing had begun to become popular and it seemed like another harmless diversion for kids out in the suburbs...
(Dream sequence harp music maybe some pastel lights on smoke)
You know how it is, Mom and Dad are sitting in front of the tube trying to relax after a hard day at work not realizing that little Johnny is outside
huffing canvas fumes and dreaming of Rincon.
Soon with a paper route and some creative accounting
Johnny gets a real mat.
You become part of the IN CROWD
You meet a bunch interesting people
and for a while
everything seems like it will turn out OK.
But in the end the story is always the same.
All your money is gone,
Spent on an aggressive R&D program and travel to exotic locations with amazing surf.
You are buying whatever cheap flotation device you can from the end-of-season discount shelves at the local five and dime. Clearly marked "warning not to be used as a flotation device"
and being followed by a flock of men in blue shirts.
Please help little Johnny!
We need warning labels on mats,
and we need them now.
Do it for the children.
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