Warning Will Robinson

What I have to say may not be popular
It may not be Politically Correct but...

There should be a warning label printed on surf mats.

Something official and suitably ominous.

"WARNING. You hold in your hands a surf craft that has been known to induce mind expanding visions and dreams. Use may result in a perfectly good hardboard quiver being left to gather dust in your garage. Frequent use may completely change your view of what surfing means and may alter your view of Nature and your relationship with others. By using the mat rider acknowledges these risks and assumes complete responsibility for any and all side effects resulting from it's use."


It's a classic story here in LALA Land. Mat surfing had begun to become popular and it seemed like another harmless diversion for kids out in the suburbs...

(Dream sequence harp music maybe some pastel lights on smoke)

You know how it is, Mom and Dad are sitting in front of the tube trying to relax after a hard day at work not realizing that little Johnny is outside

huffing canvas fumes and dreaming of Rincon.

Soon with a paper route and some creative accounting

Johnny gets a real mat.

You become part of the IN CROWD

You meet a bunch interesting people and for a while everything seems like it will turn out OK.

But in the end the story is always the same.

All your money is gone

Spent on an aggressive R&D program and travel to exotic locations with amazing surf.

You are buying whatever cheap flotation device you can from the end-of-season discount shelves at the local five and dime. Clearly marked "warning not to be used as a flotation device"

and being followed by a flock of men in blue shirts.

Please help little Johnny!

We need warning labels on mats,

and we need them now.

Do it for the children.